It’s been awhile…

I haven’t written in my blog for awhile as I’ve been drawing more which I’m finding theraputic. I’ll post some of them below. I’ve been started on Pregablin and Tramadol which I think is helping making my pain more manageable. Although right now i’m resting in bed with my hot water bottle. Generally my pain […]

I feel it in my bones

I got an email from my neurologist saying ‘Good news, tests are normal, letter to follow’ to me this isn’t good news. It’s just another person saying there is nothing wrong with you. Despite being on 3 types of painkillers and the MRI report’s findings of degenerative disc disease, scoliosis, a pineal gland cyst bigger […]

I want my life back

I said the phrase ‘I want my life back’ to my GP today. My eyes were streaming with tears I could barely see. She told me I may have to accept this pain can’t be fixed and I need to focus on living day to day. I try to but I miss so much about […]

The world isn’t black and white

I have today decided to step down as an admin for my sober support group. I love the group and have made good friends who are some of the most wonderful people. However I feel labelling myself as sober right now feels hypocritical. I’ve not gone on a mad drinking binge or gone back to […]

The One With The Nerve Conduction Study

I just had my nerve conduction study. I was seen on time and the doctor and nurse were lovely. They placed electrodes in various spots on my arms and legs. I’m a bit like a dot to dot as there were a few pen marks made. I’d describe it as being like a TENS machine […]

Late night panic

As I write this I’ve been trying to sleep for nearly 6 hours. I’ve gotten up and gone back to bed. Tried audiobooks, tried horlicks, tried silence which led me having a panic attack at 5:30am. It’s 6am I’ve made a peppermint tea and have decided to give up on sleep. Lately I have felt […]

You’re not there: A Poem

I thought I’d share a blog post on the feelings I have about being judged when dealing with chronic illness and pain. As I’m struggling to write lately due to brain fog and pain in my hands. I’ve made some images to tell a story.

Me and The Scale

I have been obsessed with my weight since Primary School. I went through puberty younger than most and developed breasts before I got to Secondary School. I was very conscious I was bigger and taller than other girls. They caught up eventually. However that feeling of self-consciousness about my body never left. It’s hard to […]

Undiagnosed

I am writing this from my bed using Google voice typing. As I’ve found my hands keep cramping whenever I try and type on my phone. It’s another symptom to deal with that makes me feel more disconnected. One good thing today is that my new support pillow has arrived and it is ridiculously comfortable. […]

Choices

One of the hardest things I’ve found since becoming ill is that I have to weigh up the pros and cons of any event. I have to plan an escape route if I get too tired or in too much pain. My partner is performing at a Drama festival tomorrow. I’m so proud of him […]